yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
