I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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