Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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