just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The Olympian is in my bed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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