you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
