Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
