last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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