I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
