worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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