its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
