Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
