did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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