Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
