i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
