I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You were trust falling into bushes
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
