Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
