He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
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Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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