mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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