Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
