he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
