I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
