Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
