Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
