You smell like a Billy Joel song
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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