dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
