i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
