I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize