I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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