The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
