I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
