Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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