I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize