video games are the ultimate cock blocker
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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