Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
