So drunk its hurt
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
