Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
