But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Another day, another engagement, another cat
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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