sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
