god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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