I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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