tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
