I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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