I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
