Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
