They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
