Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
