Don't make out with my wife yet
i just made my gag reflex go away.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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