I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
