and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
