Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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