just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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