I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
