My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
