Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
