It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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