he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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