You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
