There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
