you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
