There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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