North Korea, Best Korea!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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