i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
