fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
