Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
