Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
