my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
