YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Two words: nipple clamps
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