Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
