so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
