my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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