I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My ass is underappreciated
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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