Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
