i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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