ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
