even my farts smell like vagina
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
