I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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